Step By Step Counseling, LLC

Read Across America Day - Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

2012-03-02T07:57:00.000-06:00

Why do we love Dr. Seuss? Because he allows us to use our imagination and have fun with reading! Personally, I love the message sent to his readers in his books; positive, upbeat, motivational and carefree.

Today, in honor of his birthday, the National Education Association has made today "Read Across America Day." Some ways you or your family can participate in this are:

Read a book to your child at bedtime, read a new book tonight!
If you don't have a library card, visit your local library and sign up for one! It's free!
If your family has room, designate a reading area with a bookshelf and comfy seating.
Donate a new book, or your unused books to a local foster care agency, your child's school or an organization. (FAST, Books for Daniel)
Attend a reading event in the community!

Here are some links I thought you would enjoy.

10 Surprising Facts About Dr. Seuss!

USA Today - Great article, From Seuss to Screen

MacKids - How To Celebrate Today!

Dr. Seuss Quotes

Seussville

Have a Fantastic day!
- Jennie

Teen Empowerment Group

2012-02-29T14:25:00.001-06:00

Hello Readers!

Our practice will be having a Young Women's Empowerment Group starting in March. Do you have young women in your life, (daughters, neighbors, nieces, students, etc) that this might be helpful to attend?

Knowledge is power and some of the benefits of attending a support group like this include:

Gain the feeling of universality or that you are understood and accepted unconditionally and not being alone
To build positive self-esteem and build healthy lifestyle patterns
Develop friendships
Learn and apply positive coping and healthy communication techniques
Gain knowledge about important topics to keep young women safe.

Topics to include:

Healthy Body Image and Self-Esteem,
Dating/Internet Safety,
Healthy Communication,
Domestic Violence Education and Prevention
And more!

More Details:

This 8-week Psycho-educational support group for young ladies 12-16 years old
Held on the weekends as to not interfer with school or after school activities.

Sundays from 4-5:30pm -- Beginning Sunday March 18, 2012.

$15 a week

Please contact Kimberly Elder, BSW, MA, PLPC for more information and to register: (314) 623-7660

Look forward to working with the young women in your life!

- Kimberly Elder

National Eating Disorder Association Week in St. Louis

2012-02-26T08:00:00.017-06:00

Sunday, February 26th marks the start of National Eating Disorder Association Week in St. Louis! This annual event was designed to bring about awareness regarding all types of eating disorders. For more information, go to http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/programs-events/nedawareness-week.php

Educate yourself on eating disorders! An eating disorder can be defined as an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship with food, which means you obsess or are preoccupied with food and weight. This is also accompanied by a poor body image and abnormal eating habits. It is important to be aware of the different types of eating disorders. They include:

Anorexia: characterized by a severe restriction in food intake which results in significant weight loss. The individual fears food and the possibility of gaining weight.

Bulimia: an individual binges on food (which is sometimes a portion of food larger than most would eat in a day) and feels out of control while engaging in this behavior. Bingeing if then followed by some type of purging in order to compensate for having eaten, which can include vomiting, exercising or using laxatives or diuretics.

Binge Eating Disorder: an individual engaged in uncontrolled overeating.

If you experience 2 or more of the symptoms below, you may have disorder eating or an eating disorder and should seek help for this:

~you intentionally starve yourself or restrict food intake to a very small amount during the day

~you self-induce vomiting after eating

~you feel out of control when overeating and cannot stop yourself

~you over-exercise (for hours) in order to make up for eating

~you use laxative or diuretics in a way other than intended to make up for eating

~you are afraid to eat in front other others

~you have an intense fear of gaining weight

~you have a very poor body image

~you obsess about eating, food and weight for much of the day

If while reading this, you think that you might need assistance with your disordered eating or an eating disorder please contact me (Step By Step Counseling's Graduate Counseling Intern) for help. My fees for a are 25/session, with sliding scale available.

You can contact me:
E-Mail: Vanessa_curran@aol.com
Phone: 636-255-0002

Looking forward to helping you!
- Vanessa

Surviving Abuse

2012-02-25T21:56:00.000-06:00

New! Ongoing 6 week Psycho-Educational Support Group Available:

Surviving Abuse: Keeping Safe and How to Move on with Your Life!

You are in an abusive relationship if your partner is:

• Pushing, poking, biting, hair-pulling, pinching, hitting, punching, slapping

• Threatening to harm you

• Using or threatening to use a weapon

• Holding you down against your will, or locking you in the car or house

• Smashing things or ripping or burning your clothes

• Insulting you in public

• Refusing to let you see your family or friends

• Checking up on you

• Following you, watching what you do, who you are with

• Making all the decisions

• Expecting you to spend all your time with him

• Controlling the money

• Calling you names

• Yelling or swearing at you

• Telling you how to dress, how to wear your hair and/or makeup

• Making you think you are crazy

• Bragging about mistreating you

• Drugging you, or forcing you to drink until you are drunk

• Treating you like a servant

• Hurting or threatening to kill your pets

• Withholding affection

• Forcing you to perform sexual acts against your will

• Insisting on unwanted touching

• Refusing to practice safe sex

• Acting jealous and possessive towards you

• Accusing you of being unfaithful or flirting

• Having affairs

• Threatening to commit suicide

• Threatening to kill you

Domestic Violence whether it is of the physical, emotional, sexual or financial kind is devastating! Emotional abuse is the toughest to identify because a lot of times we feel like what they are saying is true or it happens so gradually that we tend to question if it is really happening or not. And certainly if a few of the above statements happen only once or twice it cannot be defined as abuse.

But if you or anyone you know is experiencing the above situations on a regular basis, I encourage you and/or them to seek help!

Unfortunately in abusive relationships it usually always gets worse before it gets better and in seeking help, if you are currently in an abusive relationship, it can escalate the violence. Not to mention, it is hard to believe we matter when we are told on a daily basis that we don’t. I am here to tell you that you do matter and you deserve better than living this way. There is a way for you to feel better about yourself and to be empowered to take back the control over your life!

This group will help you to find your inner power to feel better about yourself, help keep yourself safe and to help you realize that you deserve to be happy and you are not alone! If you are seeking help by either individual counseling or group support please contact me!

Details of the group:

* Sunday afternoons
* Group cost is $50
* To pre-register or for more information: (314) 623-7660 or kimelder97@yahoo.com

Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kimberly Elder

Winter Blues Part 2, Boosting Self Esteem

2012-02-21T12:21:00.000-06:00

Do you struggle with self esteem? You are not alone, people in all countries, for 1000s of years have struggled with self esteem / self worth. Improving the way you feel about yourself, plays a vital role in having a more fulfilling life.

Five suggestions to help lift you up!

Stop Comparing

Each one of us is unique in our own way. We are all different, from our outside features (hair, complexion, build) to our inside features (personality and abilities). Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are. Be proud of them, and work on using them to your best advantage.

Taking Control

This is your life, take charge! Set goals for yourself, of where you want to be, what you want to be doing - and work towards them! One small step at a time. It's tempting to allow others to dictate what college you should go to, what career you should go into, what area to live in, what house to buy, what kind of car to drive....but ultimately, the decision is yours - make one that you're comfortable with! Be confident in the choices you make, and stop seeking the approval of others!

Avoid being "Debbie Downer"

Have you watched the Saturday Night Live Skits about Debbie Downer? When we are in a funk, it's easy to become her! It's sometimes second nature for some to fall into the pattern of selectively paying attention to negatives in our lives. What's happened today that was good? Up front spot at Wal-Mart? Make it to work with out sitting in traffic? Did you have a good hair day? Try to pick out the positives of each day!

Accept a Compliment!

Has anyone told you before, "I love your outfit!" or "You did a great job on that presentation!" or another compliment that you rejected stating, it wasn't a big deal or something similar to that? Instead of defending why you aren't worth the compliment, simply respond with "Thank you"

Surround Yourself with Positive people

Your environment, can make a huge difference in your mood. If you surround yourself with people who are encouraging, it's easier to feel good about yourself. Having a supportive network of family, friends and colleagues can help you get through a rough situation or lift you up when you have a bad day.

You are not a mistake, you were designed for a purpose, stop looking to others to find self-worth, look within!

-Jennie

Winter Blues

2012-02-13T18:55:00.002-06:00

Snowing today! Some children and adults are excited for a day off school, others are in awe of the beautifully covered trees or how peaceful it is to watch the snow fall. Yet others...are miserable. If that's you, you're not alone. Many people struggle to find peace, joy and serenity during the winter months.

Many of us are familiar with depression. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that appears at the same time each year. The most common, is during the winter months. With SAD, a person typically experiences the symptoms of depression as winter is in full swing. These same individuals tend to have relief from their symptoms when spring returns. Many clients ask me what causes SAD. Experts in the mental health field believe that the depression could be triggered by the day light exposure. Effecting more individuals who live in areas with longer periods without sunlight .

Many people who suffer from Seasonal affective disorder display the same symptoms as those who struggle with depression. Some examples are:

Changes in eating
Changes in sleep
Lower energy levels
Changes in mood
Difficulty Concentrating
Nothing of interest

Like other forms of depression, the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder can be mild or severe. Milder symptoms interfere less with someone's ability to participate in everyday activities, but stronger symptoms can interfere much more.

If you feel like it's interfereing with your ability to participate in day to day activities, I encourage you to seek out help from a counselor. Our practice has multiple therapists available to help! In particular, our graduate counseling intern (Vanessa) provides $25/session counseling and our PLPCs (Melissa and Kim) can provide sliding scale for those who might need it.

Blessings,-Jennie

Some helpful links on Seasonal Affective Disorder:

U.S. National Library of Medicine

Mayo Clinic

Parents Guide to the Lifestyle of Teens (Drugs)

2011-12-30T08:32:00.001-06:00

Working with teens in private practice, and volunteering with teens outside of the office, I witness first hand how much stress they endure week to week. They experience the pressures of doing well in school, fitting in with their peers, getting into college, be good at sports, and being beautiful. Due to the increased exposure, our teens are more vulnerable to drug abuse. Not to mention, if there is past trauma or presenting issues such as parents' divorce, a move, grief and loss, or a mental health diagnosis.

This week, I'm writing about some of the common trends and experiences that teens encounter, so that you (as parents) may be better equipped to predict risky situations and communicate with your teens about them.

Situation: "To Fit In"
Developmentally, teens want to connect with those around them. Teens will use drugs or alcohol to ease their anxiety and allow themselves to feel more relaxed when reaching out whether that's hanging out with friends or interacting with the opposite sex. Additionally, if a teen's fried is doing it, teens might agree to that joint, or that beer as to not be the only one in the room not doing it.

What parents can do: Parents can normalize how intimidating and anxiety provoking new situations are, possibly sharing stories of how they reached out to the opposite sex or how they embarrassed themselves with their friends with out the aide of alcohol or drugs. Parents should also talk to their teens, discussing, "what if..." they are the only ones in the room not getting high, or what if someone offers them a beer, how to turn down the temptation to use.

Situation: Rationalizing "partying" behavior as a reward for working so hard.
Teens that are at competitive high schools, often have the mentality of "work hard, play hard." They believe as long as they are responsible, there's no effect on their sports or school work.

What parents can do: It's vital that parents acknowledge their teens' hard work and achievements. Continue with letting them know you want them to relax and enjoy their free time, offering their favorite meal, have friends over or plan a fun activity of their choice. By giving them healthy alternatives, they will be less likely to reach out in the opposite direction.

Situation: "Pre-party" or "pre-gaming"
Taking large amounts of drugs or alcohol before school events or family functions.

What parents can do: Communicate with your teen that it is not allowed. Know their plans before they go to the event, some parents even escort their tweens and teens to the events. If your adolescent and their friends are getting "ready" at your house, be present & involved. Check items they are bringing to event, i.e., water bottles or other containers.

Situation: "Pharm parties" "Pill Roulette"
For teens who are drug tested in athletics or those who cannot afford illegal drugs, they turn to using prescriptions in their own medicine cabinet. These drugs are easy for teens to access, and are viewed as harmless.

What parents can do: Closely monitor your child's (and family's) medications. Talk to your teens about how prescription drugs are just as dangerous as street drugs they may be exposed to.

Resource for parents: Adolescent Substance Abuse's website has alot of great articles including articles focusing on how to talk to your teens, the effect of drugs or nicotine on a teen's brain or just other helpful information.

I polled some parents that I work closely with, their best practices:

Will never say no to people coming over to the house (so that they can always know their friends)
Random Drug Testing their teen
Volunteering at school events, being actively involved in the teens' lives
Locking up all medicine in the house
Will come pick tween/teen (and/or friends) from a party, no questions asked.
Purchased breathalyzer ($20), and does random checks
Addressing "small" issues before they escalate into bigger issues.

Hope this helps you become more connected to what your teen is being exposed to.

- Jennie

Jennie Wilson, MA
Licensed Professional Counselor
National Certified Counselor
Distance Credentialed Counselor
Registered Play Therapist

New Graduate Intern

2011-12-21T14:00:00.000-06:00

Step by Step Counseling, LLC would like to welcome Vanessa Curran to our practice!

Vanessa will be replacing Adam Shroat who was with us this past fall. Vanessa is also from Webster University! She is currently finishing up her masters in Mental Health Counseling. Vanessa is not new to the mental health field, she has had involvement in working with teens and adolescents. She has experience working at St. John’s Edgewood, DePaul Health Center’s adolescent psychiatric ward and most recently at Castlewood Treatment Center for Eating Disorders. She was also an intern at Castlewood where she helped clients with anxiety issues and eating disorders. Vanessa utilizes Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Vanessa is very excited to continue working with clients, and is happy to help with any issue that you may be struggling with.

Managing Emotions and Behaviors During the Holidays

2011-11-09T17:43:00.000-06:00

This past week, I presented on Special Challenges that Foster Kids and Foster Families Have During the Holidays. As I was preparing the presentation, it dawned on me that 75% of the information not only relates to foster kids and foster families - but to all kids, and all families.

Some points to remember:

Monitoring how much we are over-stimulating ourselves. By default, we are all over-stimulating ourselves by increasing sugary foods, holiday activities and meeting new people. For those of the readers who struggle with sensory issues, over stimulation can also be found in the blaring holiday music found in stores or the bright holiday lights on every corner.

Tip: Be selective in the number and type of activities you choose to do.

Tip: Is it possible to skip that extra trip to the store or the additional party you have been invited to?

Tip: Simplify the gifts to meaningful gifts rather than the number of gifts.

Remembering to stay consistent. Children (and adults) thrive in an environment that is routine (consistent) and structured. Children can struggle to remain calm when placed in chaotic environments. Some questions to consider: What are some of the routines and structure you have in your home? And how do those change when the holidays appear?

Tip: Limit the number of surprises by create a calendar of events for the family, remind each other of upcoming events.

Tip: Try to maintain sleep schedules (nap/bedtime) and eating habits.

Battling the holiday blues. For many, the holidays bring the thoughts of peace on earth and joyfulness. These families see the holidays as a time of celebration, family togetherness and happiness. However, for others it could bring loneliness and reflecting on past failures. For some, the holidays can be a time for stress, acting out and sadness. In my experience, children (and adults) who have been abused, neglected or traumatized can struggle during the holidays. It's important to address the issues that you or your family are struggling with.

Tip: Allow yourself or your child to see their therapist (mental health, speech, physical), instead of canceling. The holidays are a stressful time of year, this might be appointment (session) that is most needed!

Tip: Take care of yourself, while it's the season of giving - ensure that you are giving to yourself as well.

Hope this was helpful! Enjoy the upcoming 2011 holiday season!

- Jennie

Good Manners and Behaviors

2011-09-30T10:15:00.001-05:00

As parents, one of the most difficult tasks to teach a child is to mind their manners and have good behavior. Below are some key things to keep in mind while helping your child learn good behavior and appropriate manners.

Visual Aides

Children learn by "seeing" things. Whether it is putting your bed time routine up (as pictures) in the bedroom or having posters hanging up in the classrooms, visual aides help serve as reminders to children as to what they should be doing.

Role Playing/Acting Out

How are children expected to know what to do if they have not been taught how to do it? Role playing is a fun way to demonstrate to kids how to behave in different situations or settings. We role play and practice what we (society) are supposed to do for earthquakes and tornadoes, why not do it for manners and social behaviors?

Examples:
- Role playing with a play kitchen set how to behave at the kitchen table, or restaurant.
- Role playing knocking on a door and waiting for response before entering.

If a child forgets to use their manners in a specific situation, reenact the scene. Discuss how people feel when situations are handled with and without manners.

Expectations (and Preparation)

It's important that parents or guardians set clear and simple expectations for their children. When our children know what is expected of them they will more likely respond the way we, as adults, want them to react. Discuss situations before they arise.

Examples:
- Before a Christmas party, discuss that they may receive gifts and why it's important to say thank-you.
- Before entering a store, remind your children that they need to walk near you because you do not want to lose them, or do not touch items, because they might break.

When children forget their manners, or forget to do something that was previously discussed, politely remind them in a respectful way, as to not embarrass them.

Be A Role Model

Children model the behaviors they observe. Use please, thank you, and excuse me when speaking with children and adults. Model manners by offering to help other people, holding the door, and picking up dropped items. Teach children to respect all people by treating everyone including neighbors, waitresses, and co-workers with respect. Explain your actions so children learn from you.

Examples:
- Explaining why you helped an elderly woman reach items at the grocery store or why you helped a family member when they were sick.
- Explaining why you tipped the waitress at the restaurant, or why you were patient with the frazzled check-out clerk at the store.

Be Consistent

Mixed messages about settings and people can be confusing. This is my favorite phrase while working with parents. Be consistent! Children thrive on structure and consistency. Children are less likely to forget to be polite if their manners are repeatedly and consistently practiced.

Praises!

When you observe your children demonstrating positive behaviors, praise the behavior! Be clear about what you are happy about seeing and why it was good.

Examples:
- "Johnny, I like how you shared your toys with your younger brother. It made him very happy to play with you"
- "Joanna, I like how you said Thank-you to Grandma for your new quilt. She worked really hard in making that for you and she's happy to see that you appreciate it."
- "Bobby, I like how you helped the man at the store reach the bottom shelf. He was older and it was difficult for him to reach the bottom shelf, you made it easier for him."

Teaching children manners can be difficult, however being a positive role model and preparing your children can make things easier. Hope this blog post helps!

Let me know what you think or if I missed anything!

-Jennie

PS: Here are some links that you might find helpful!

Teaching Table manners

Teaching Sportsmanship

Handing Introductions Gracefully

Couples - Fighting Fair

2011-09-12T08:34:00.000-05:00

Do you find yourself arguing with your significant other and getting nowhere? Conflict is inevitable in intimate relationships and completely normal, but often couples engage in destructive behavior that turns arguments into fights and leaves feelings hurt. The key is to show respect for your partner and to make the argument productive so that something positive can come out of it. Take a look below at these lists of “fair” and “unfair” behaviors. Most of the suggestions come from a handout I got in graduate school, and a few are from my own observations and experiences.

Unfair Behavior
• Name calling or personal attacks
• Bringing up unrelated issues from the past
• Getting off topic
• Intimidation/Threats of violence
• Expecting to have a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’
• Saving up many concerns to unload all at once
• Attempting to read the others’ mind or expecting them to read yours
• Denying the truth
• Ignoring the other

Fair Behavior
•Speaking one at a time and allowing equal time
•Checking to see if you are being understood
•Looking for compromise
•Trying not to generalize
•Allowing for breathers - a ‘breather’ means that you go for a walk or have a cup of coffee if
things start to get too heated, then return to finish the discussion when you are both calm
•Observing any ground rules you set
•Showing personal respect
•Being honest with yourself and your partner
•Giving your reasons without assigning blame
•Admitting when you are wrong
•Using “I” messages instead of “You” messages - Example: Instead of saying “You really messed up here,” try saying “I feel frustrated when this happens because…”

Do you find yourself engaging in any of the unfair behaviors when arguing? If so, try to monitor yourself, and you should find that when both partners implement fair behavior, arguments lead to solutions and compromises instead of emotional scars.

So remember, show that you care by fighting fair!

- Adam Shroat
Counseling Graduate Intern with Step By Step Counseling

Traditions

2011-09-02T15:33:00.002-05:00

A Labor Day Weekend Tradition for me is __________.

If one were to look up tradition in the dictionary, one would find it defined as:
"...an inherited, established or customary pattern of thought, action or behavior..."
"...A belief or story relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable..."
"...A time-honored practice or set of such practices...."

Most of us have one or more "traditions" that we have created ourselves or celebrate with others. Traditions can be something that is taken part in annually, monthly or even weekly. Culturally, we have traditions such as fireworks on Forth of July, or a big meal with family & friends on Thanksgiving. More personal traditions could be going to the park on Saturday afternoon after nap time or family cooking and dinners on Sunday evenings. Does your family have a weekly family day? Some families spend their family day (or family night) playing a board game, going to the zoo, or maybe going for a bike ride; the list goes on!

Why are traditions important? Family traditions are valuable because they provide stability and identity. By providing stability, family members can build security into their relationships. Our lives are always changing, so much in our lives is temporary. In saying that regardless of what else happens, the traditions will not change helps provide something for each person to hold onto and rely upon. Gives us something to look forward to.

Each and every one of us are unique, and so are our traditions. Each family will have have their own way of living out traditions. While similar to others, unique to themselves. Each family's uniqueness gives the family an ability to create a sense of identity and bond with each other. These traditions allow families to build memories and share stories.

It's never too late to start a Labor Day Weekend Tradition!

I polled a few of my clients, and here's what they told me...

"Memorial and Labor day weekends are saved for home improvement projects! Everyone in the family pitches in to help with whatever we are currently working on in the house. The kids grumble each year, but we take them out for ice cream or dinner one of the evenings"

"Labor day weekend is spent site seeing around the metro area. We've gone to the Japanese festival at Botanical Gardens, to a Cardinals baseball game, etc. Our family always tries to do something!"

"Our family uses that time to pack away summer clothes, put away summer items in the house and bring out the fall clothes. We create a donation box and try to donate the toys or items that we no longer use. We also try to bar-b-que at least of the nights."

"My mommy and daddy take me camping! I always get to fish, and sometimes if I'm good I can make smores."

"We go shopping, looking for all the good sales!"

Whatever your tradition is, I hope you and your family have a safe holiday weekend!

-Jennie

Depression & Anxiety Support

2011-08-18T20:47:00.000-05:00

Step by Step Counseling, LLC announces an opportunity for group counseling for adult individuals struggling with depression or anxiety. Co-facilitators Adam and Emily will work with participants to understand strategies to combat anxiety and depression as well as provide an environment to share concerns with others who are facing similar situations.

Group counseling has many benefits. Members involved in the group are able to relate to each other. Often, a member may have a perspective or suggestion that can help another see their situation in a different light. In addition to the therapeutic benefits of group therapy, group therapy also costs less than individual therapy.

The Depression and Anxiety Group Counseling sessions at Step by Step Counseling, LLC are scheduled to begin on Thursday, September 1. Meetings will be held at our offices, and sessions will last for twelve weeks. The cost for the twelve-week session is $15 per session ($180). Members who pay for the entire group in advance may pay the reduced rate of $150.

Depending on enrollment, new members may be able to join the group every four weeks. Please contact us for information on availability of openings in the group. For more information or to register for this group,

Call: 636.255.0002

OR

Email: info@stepbystepcounselingllc.com.

Look forward to working with you!
- Emily and Adam

National Relaxation Day

2011-08-15T08:28:00.002-05:00

Balancing work, family and social lives can sometimes lead to a very fast paced lifestyle, not allowing a lot of time to take a break and relax. Taking time to slow down and be helpful to your physical and emotional well being.

My top ten suggestions of people I asked this weekend are:

Go outside to eat lunch
Read a book
Take a vacation or if I can't afford that take an afternoon off from work
Get a massage
Date night with significant other (or spending time with a loved one - child, sibling, etc) without cell phones
Deep Breathing exercises
Take a walk (or bike ride..)
Spend some time doing a hobby you enjoy
Go for a drive in the country
Meditate or Pray

How do YOU relax?

-Jennie

Book Review

2011-08-11T15:49:00.000-05:00

Book: Stay Close
40 Clever Ways to Connect with Kids When You're Apart

By: Tenessa Gemelke

I originally purchased this book for my counseling practice because I have (and have had) several child and adolescent clients who are separated from one or both of their parents through military deployment, part of a cross country divorce situation, or the parents are incarcerated. I wanted to find a resource for parents who desperately wanted to connect with their children, but geography was a barrier. I found the resource I was looking for!

The format of this book is easy to read, and has alot of practical advice. The author's suggestions are not only doable for the busy working parents, but are adaptable to the child's personality. I am also a fan of the frequently asked questions in the back, addressing some of the challenges in keeping connected.

I have lent this book out to a few parents now, and have recommended this book to a parent who lives afar, and have had alot of positive feedback. One of my clients even mentioned she uses some of the ideas with her college aged son!

I would suggest this book to anyone who is struggling to stay connected with a loved one!

-Jennie

Parents Are a Powerful Influence

2011-07-28T15:03:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard,

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,"

Or

"He's a chip off the old block,"

Or

"Like mother like daughter?"

Common knowledge, parents influence their children's development and personality. Whether we want to admit it or not, parents are a child's most influential role model. As parents, we spend more time with our children than any other adult. We model to our children our values, as well as our likes/dislikes. The children pick up our good habits and our bad habits. Children are like sponges - they will soak up everything around them!

Role modeling can be an effective parenting tool. It is powerful opportunity that we (as parents) should use to our advantage! Being a positive role model for your children requires thinking ahead and self control. While our society talks alot about disciplining our children, we as parents need to put equal importance on disciplining ourselves. When we become destructive in our own lives, our children will also follow suite. For example, I imagine it's very easy to say, "Don't hit when you're angry" or "Don't drink and drive," or "Don't skip class." On the other hand it takes more effort (and self discipline) for parents to practice what they are preaching by having appropriate ways of dealing with our own anger, not getting in the car after drinking or taking off a day at work claiming they are sick when we really just needing a day off. Children look to their parents to set the example, they see right through you when you say one thing and do another. Why is it bad when they do it too?

Some examples of how to be a positive Role Model for your children:

If you're wanting your teenager to spend more time at home with the family, that means, as a parent, you too should also be spending time with your family by not spending too much time with friends or working a lot of overtime. Is there a possibility of moving your schedule around to spend time at home when your teens are at home?

If you are asking your elementary children to drink milk or water with dinner because it's a healthy alternative to sodas or fruit juices, you should be doing the same.

If you're asking your children to listen to your words when you speak, it's imperative for you to also turn off the TV, put the cell phone down, turn away from the computer to face your child and listen to whatever concern they have at the moment or how their day is going thus far.

I challenge parents to look at a behavior they dislike, and see what they can role model differently!

Thanks for reading!

-Jennie

Validation

2011-06-14T10:45:00.001-05:00

A theme that I see in the counseling office is clients wanting to feel validated. Whether that is children/adolescents wanting to feel validation from their parents, teachers, or caseworkers OR adults wanting to feel validated from their employers, spouses, or other family members it's a theme that tends to span generations. People want to feel comfortable sharing their feelings and opinions, but sometimes feel that it's wrong or unsafe to do so.

What is validation? To validate means to certify or confirm something. When someone feels that they are invalidated it means that they are wishing someone would accept what they're doing or how they are feeling. To feel validated, one is acknowledged, feels as though they are important, and their purpose matters. I should caution, to validate someone doesn't mean "agreeing" with their feelings, it means acknowledging that you see they are feeling a particular way.

So why is this important? When someone feels invalidated, they feel a sense of being unimportant, purposelessness, feeling of emptiness or that they misunderstood their own emotions. To those of you reading, our feelings are meant for our survival. We should feel anxiety/nervousness in new or dangerous situations. We should feel anger when wrong doing has been done to us or we should feel guilt when we've done something wrong. We should feel happy when we've done well at something. However, when people experience invalidation they are confused about their feelings and learn to distrust their own emotions. That can affect long term mental health and future relationships.

The people in our lives (especially children & adolescents) need to be validated; they need to know that they are good at something or that they mean something to you. The people in our lives need to know that they can feel safe sharing their experiences and their feelings. When they feel validated they know that it's OK to talk about tough issues, and that their loved one will accept them.

Many times, I will have parents or spouses ask how they can help their loved one open up. I might point out times where their response to their child's opinion or experience might be ignoring, teasing or downplaying their feelings. It takes alot of energy for a child or adolescent (or even a spouse/sibling, etc) to share their feelings and to hear the response of "Don't feel...." or "You shouldn't feel that way..." invalidates how they feel.

Some examples of invalidation / validation

Child comes home and got teased for spilling ketchup on their shirt.
- Validation: Your feelings were hurt when Suzi was teasing you OR I'm sorry that you had a rough day wit the kids teasing you.
- Invalidation: It was only one day, they'll forget about it tomorrow OR you're acting like a baby suck it up.

Child shares sexual abuse with mom:
- Validation: This must have been really difficult for you to share with me OR we are going to take you to a doctor/counselor who can make sure that you are okay.
- Invalidation: Your brother wouldn't do that OR don't accuse your dad of things like that OR if you didn't wear those types of clothes something like that wouldn't have happened OR you shouldn't talk about that with me, I can't listen to how my baby was hurt.

Spouse shares feelings about jealousy:
- Validation: You are upset that I hang out with that person, What would help you feel more comfortable with it?
- Invalidation: You shouldnt' feel that way it's just a friend.

Hope some of these examples helped you become better equipped to handle little disruptions in your life! On the personal side, I've noticed that when those in your lives are validated, it can deescalate a situation significantly. During college, when I worked in customer service at a local chain electronics store, sometimes the simple statements of validating the customer's frustration is all they really needed. It's the same thing in our day to day lives, if you're finding that you're having trouble communicating or having trouble with alot of mini disruptions, keep in mind the concept of validation and how it can be applied in that particular situation.

Thanks for reading!

-Jennie

Family Times

2011-06-07T09:32:00.001-05:00

As you may have seen on TV or in magazine articles, during June we celebrate National Family Month. This is a good time to reflect on your strengths as a family and what needs improvement. Whether your family is traditional or non-traditional, whatever your family looks like, we encourage you to take the steps in keeping it strong.

Some ways to improve your family dynamics are: Commitment, Communication, and Closeness.

Commitment:
* Parents making time for your kids, whether that is by attending a sporting event of theirs or making time to do something fun with them. Make the commitment that you are going to put them first! (http://national.macaronikid.com/ has great suggestions for family friendly activities)
* Building trust - following through with promises or agreements made.

Communication:
All families communicate differently. Finding a healthy way to communicate in your family is vital to help strengthen family connections. Key things to communicate about:
* Daily plans, day to day activities
* Important decisions or crisis moments.
* Admitting problems and addressing them, instead of ignoring them.
* Conflicts - healthy families don't allow the children or adults to bottle their anger or extreme emotions, they talk about possible solutions to the problems and work together.

Closeness

Spending time together! Healthy and strong families spend time together, whether that is by playing games, taking walks, enjoying similar hobbies. The closeness is imperative for attachments and bonding. A simple daily morning pow-wow or a good night story can go alot further than you think.

Not just physical closeness, but also emotional closeness. It is important for families to show affection towards each other. No matter what age your children are -- 3 or 17, they need the reassurance that their parents love the. Strong families have their own special ways to show that they care about each other and love each other. What creative way can you show your children (or spouse) that you love them?

Early influences are fundamental to our individual development. The life with your family is very important; it plays a major role in your children's development into the person they become.

If your family is broken, damaged or in need of some tweaking, let us know if we can do anything to help!

Registered Play Therapist

2011-05-25T09:09:00.043-05:00

Hello Readers!

Jennie here, as a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Certified Counselor, I am excited to share that I am also officially a Registered Play Therapist. The credentials of RPT are conferred by the Association for Play Therapy (APT); a professional organization that helps advance play therapy by sponsoring credentialing, as well as promoting research and training. Play therapists can be licensed counselors, clinical social workers and psychologists.

For those who are unfamiliar with this credential, to become an RPT, applications must have earned either a masters or doctoral degree in mental health, and have clocked hours of play therapy training and clinical experience under supervision. I received my play therapy training and clinical supervision through a year long post graduate certificate program in Play Therapy at MNU.

For me, play therapy is important when working with children because it helps me reach children using developmentally appropriate theories and techniques to help them through whatever they are struggling with.
This is another tool in my toolbox to be able to help children and families get back on their feet.

Here is a video created by Association for Play Therapy, Enjoy!!

May Is Foster Care Month

2011-05-17T08:51:00.003-05:00

May is National Foster Care Month. This was created to raise awareness and encourage all to get involved whether through foster-parenting, mentoring a foster child, sponsoring events through your employer, volunteering or in other creative ways like donating clothes to a fostecare clothing closet or making an Easter Basket for a foster child in care. Step by Step Counseling, LLC would like to personally thank all those who help foster children and foster families - in any capacity!

With that said, we want to make a commitment to help strengthen foster families. Starting in June, the first Monday of every month we will be offering foster parent support group, with peer support, discussions and topics on a wide variety of topics that foster parents may encounter. A time for foster families to take a moment for themselves.

Step By Step Counseling, LLC also provides low cost counseling to caseworkers or foster families who need the additional support. We understand your role can be expensive, overwhelming and exhausting, and we want to do our part in re-energizing you to keep our kids happy and healthy.

And as always, we continue to be a Medicaid provider to be eligible to provide counseling services (Individual or Family) to youth placed in the foster care system.

E-mail or call us for more details: info@stepbystepcounselingllc.com

Helping Children Cope With Recent Storms

2011-04-24T11:42:00.024-05:00

I am making a special post, in response to the influx of phone calls over the past few days. For those of you affected by the storms, how do you respond to the natural disaster, how do you help your children cope with recent events? Natural disasters such as tornadoes, hurricanes, or earthquakes can leave children (and adults) fearful and anxious. From this past weekend, whether your children experienced the tornado first hand, saw the aftermath in the media or are listening to others around them talk about it can be difficult for them to process everything that is happening. Often times, in natural disasters an entire neighborhood or community is impacted, lowering a child’s sense of security and normal day to day events.

How do you know if your child is affected? Some signs to look out for:

Difficulty going to school / daycare
Clingy or terrified of being alone
Repeated talking about the event, worrying about the event happening again
Trouble falling asleep / nightmares
Physical problems such as headaches or stomaches

Some things you can do to help your children are:

Be aware of your own feelings/reactions. Children pick up on our anxieties and our own insecurities. Our children look to their parents, teachers and other adults in their lives for guidance and direction of how to manage their reactions after the event is over.
Acknowledge their feelings, encouraging them to talk about the event, remind them that you are there to keep them safe.
Limit media coverage of the event. Whether it's seeing pictures in the newspaper or watching the news report, these images can be graphic which in turn can be frightening or anxiety provoking.
Stick to as much of a routine as possible. The consistency will help the child and family get back to normal.
Prepare for natural disasters

Have a disaster plan (What to do when there's a tornado, earthquake, etc)

What to do / Where to go for help

Practice disaster plan
Create a disaster kit

Here is a resource that might be helpful when processing with young children. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help!

- Jennie

Step By Step Counseling, LLC is offering their condolences to those who were effected by last week's tornadoes. You are in our thoughts.

Teen Dating Violence

2011-02-09T18:54:00.000-06:00

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. Statistics show that 1 out of 3 high school teens are in an abusive relationship. Have you talked to your teens about it?

Teen dating violence is typically not talked about or hidden for various reasons such as, that the teens are inexperienced in dating and are uneducated as to what's right/wrong in a relationship. Or, it could be, that they allow the violence to continue because they want independence from parents and their partners give that to them. Yet other times, they start slipping down the slippery slope and they don't know how to stop it.

Why do teens often experience violence in relationships? Dating violence happens in all social, racial and economic classes. However, most victims are women. And at least one person in the relationship is trying to control, or maintain power over the other person. Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others. For example, young girls may believe that the jealousy and possessiveness is romantic, or they might not know any better because their friends are in similar situations. That's why education is key. By having parents talking to their teens before they start dating, or while they are dating, it helps keep the lines of communication open, helps keep teens safe.

As a parent, you're probably wondering, what can I share with my teen, what are some warning signs they should be aware of? Some warning signs in a partner that teens should be aware of are: isolation from family or friends, extreme jealousness, controlling behavior, rigid sex roles, doesn't take responsibilities for own problems or feelings, cruel to children, animals or family members, unpredictable mood swings, substance (drugs/alcohol) abuse, threatens violence or uses forceful actions when upset. That's a pretty long list, but how many of our teenagers are dating boys with several of these characteristics?

A way to protect your teenagers is by teaching them safe dating skills. Some examples would be, considering double dating the first few times they go out with a new person, or letting you (the parent) know where they are going and what time they are coming home. As a parent, you should remind your teens that no one deserves to be threatened or physically hurt. Things typically will not get "better" and you cannot change the person who is hurting you. It's important to let the teenagers in your life know that they don't feel comfortable to you, they should still talk to a mentor or adult they trust. Parents, if your teenager is already dating and you are suspecting they might be in an abusive relationship, some signs that you should look for are: isolation, physical signs of injury, changes in mood or personality, and truancy or failing grades. If this is your teen, it's important to ask your teen about their relationship, listen to them, and explain good relationships. The "asking" is the easiest portion. The "listening" is the hardest. Remember to keep an open mind, do not judge and try to be positive. Of course, explaining the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships can be difficult for some parents. Do the best that you can, your teen, will hopefully see your effort. It will be easier for the teen to leave the relationship if they can see the differences and have support from adults around them.

- Jennie

Snowmageddon or Snowpocolypse

2011-01-31T13:30:00.010-06:00

If you are living in or around the St. Louis Metro area, you've probably heard the current winter storm that we are experiencing being referred to as snowmageddon or snowpocolypse. Our media was predicting the entire area being completely paralyzed by the wintry weather. For me, it was very anxiety provoking to watch our news stations staying on "Storm Mode" some even having 24/7 coverage of the upcoming storm. While I felt glued to the TV wondering what was going to happen next, I still went to work, talked to friends, ate healthy meals and slept normal amounts of sleep. Although, that's not the case for everyone. Thankfully, the worst of the storm missed our area, going to the north instead. While we were still hit by quite a bit of ice, the 12 inches of snow we didn't get is a true blessing.

During this time, I worry about my clients, and about others out there who haven't sought out counseling yet. For some, this is the hardest time of the year. For individuals suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD), these winter storms can drag one down even further or be even more anxiety provoking than it was for me. These are the individuals that families and friends should be checking up on regularly, especially in winter storms.

SAD is characterized as a mood disorder (depression) that appears in the winter months, in people who have generally normal mental health throughout the spring, summer and fall months. In these individuals, (similar to general depression) they may sleep too much, feel sad(moody) or have low amounts of energy. In some of my clients, they can have an increase of upset stomach, weight loss/gain, and difficulty concentrating. In all of my clients, there is an increase of hopelessness and withdrawing from family and friends.

There are many different treatments for winter based SAD including light therapy (Sunlight, bright lights or special lights), psychotherapy and antidepressants. In addition, some other things that have helped my clients are: diet changes, extended vacations, exercise, spending more time outside, alternative therapies and/or supplements of the hormone melatonin. In session with clients who suffer from SAD, we work on implementing several interventions into their life to better combat what they are experiencing. I also try to show them all the different options to see what best fits in their lifestyle.

If you feel that you may suffer from SAD, and are wanting assistance in determining the best way to fight the winter blues or seasonal depression, please know that I am here to help! Go HERE for some more tips.

- Jennie

Setting Goals and Sticking To Them!

2011-01-01T12:00:00.004-06:00

"I can't change the direction of the wind,
but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination"
Jimmy Dean

Well, it's that time of the year, the time when everyone is making resolutions and new goals for themselves. The new year, the new you! The television and radio commercials are filled with new weight loss plans, new smoking cessation products, and new home organizational ideas. You probably have a list of things you might want to do. But how many of us really stick to those resolutions?   Statistics show not many. However, what I have found over time, is that people who set goals are happier with themselves, perform and concentrate better, and suffer from less stress and anxiety.

In graduate school I remember struggling in a class. The professor asked me what my goal was and I confidently replied, "to do well!" I remember him laughing and explaining to me that was an "OK" goal, but how was I going to get there? And what was "to do well?" Was it an A, a B, to barely pass the class?   He continued saying that the reason why most people fail to reach their goals was because they didn't have a plan to get there. At 23, I learned the importance in not only learning how to set goals, but also how to alter my lifestyle to achieve them.

In counseling, my clients and I set goals for ourselves. How will we know when things are better? What are we working towards? I am there to help identify some possible goals. Each client is given time, encouragement and guidance to work and process through their situations. I believe each client deserves a safe environment to work on their struggles, in their own timeline. Respecting individuality and uniqueness, each client's treatment plan has different goals, and a different time frame.

Aside from the mental health aspect of goal-setting, for those of you who are setting new goals for yourself in 2011, here are some tips:

Write Down Goals
The importance of writing your goals down is to avoid future confusion, and have something to refer back to if needed. By writing your goals down, you can have a reminder of what you are working towards. Some thoughts to think about while writing down your goals:

What do you want?
Why do you want it?
How do you plan on achieving it?

"If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else" Lawrence J Peter

Be detailed and track progress
Have something you can measure, using dates, times, or amounts. Write down your progress in a notebook, a Google document or spreadsheet on your computer. It is important to be specific. How will you know when you have reached your goal(s)? For example, if you are working on losing weight, a good goal might be 10 pounds in the next 3 months.

Look at the big picture, break down into smaller goals
When creating goals, it could be easy to see the big picture. We want the basement cleaned, we want to have less anxiety attacks, we want a new car. The harder part is breaking down your big goal into more manageable pieces. Here, you can see if your goal is realistic and what you specifically need to do in order to reach your goal.

Big Picture:
Paint my home this month.
Breaking it down:
Week 1: Pick colors, buy paint and tape, and other painting supplies
Week 2: Paint room 1
Week 3: Paint room 2
Week 4: Paint room 3

"Goals are dreams with deadlines" Diana Scharf Hunt

Use positive statements
“Studying more” instead of “Don’t slack off”
"Say hello to 3 new people a day" instead of "Don't ignore new people"

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal" Henry Ford

You are the biggest advocate for yourself. While your initial enthusiasm can wear off quickly, I encourage you to keep yourself motivated and continue moving towards your goals. Life is an ongoing journey, so take it one step at a time, one GOAL at a time. If you need someone along the way, please know I'm here to help you and your family with whatever goal you may be striving for.

Best Wishes in the new year!

- Jennie

From everyone here at Step By Step Counseling, LLC, We wish you and your family a healthy and happy 2011!

Welcome!

2010-12-20T11:00:00.001-06:00

The practice recently celebrated it's anniversary. We've jumped yet another hurdle in the world of technology! Part of the celebration is starting a counseling blog. We'll be posting practice announcements, articles and other mental health information we find that we'd like to share.

Best Wishes!

- Jennie